An Actual Submissive on What 'Fifty Shades of Grey' Got Wrong
Little trilogy called Fifty Shades of
Grey has sold more than 30 million copies. It's dominated the best-seller lists all summer. (Just today came the news that it had been bumped by Gillian Flynn's Gone Girl in e-book sales. Don't worry, Fifty Shades still has an overall lock on things.) But with popularity, and/or hype, comes plenty of reaction, including our own here at The Atlantic Wire. Along with all the opinions, there have been numerous books with similar themes, similar covers, similar plots. There have been purposeful parodies and the cases of mistaken identity, books that have gotten a sales pick-me-up based on Shades without ever meaning to. There have been a spate of articles attempting to codify what this all means for women. Now, there's the true-life memoir, Diary of a Submissive, out today from Penguin, by the pseudonymou Sophie Morgan. The book is being called "the 'real' Fifty Shades of Grey": "a memoir that offers the real story of what it means to be a submissive, following Sophie's story as she progresses from her early erotic experiences through to experimenting with her newfound, awakened sexuality." It's certainly not the only true-life tale of BDSM, but it's a comparison the rare publisher could resist given the market. After all, Random House has reportedly seen a 20 percent increase in revenue with the trilogy.
But what does it mean to have written the "real" Fifty Shades? We spoke to Sophie Morgan, about the inevitableFifty Shades comparisons and criticisms, and what she hopes to accomplish with Diary of a Submissive.
Jen Doll: You've read Fifty Shades of Grey, of course. What do you think about it?
Sophie Morgan: I think any book that encourages women to be open about their fantasies and experiment sexually should definitely be welcomed. The book itself is pure escapism, as much about the opulent gifts and squillionaire lifestyle as it is about the kinky sex, a Mills and Boon with lots more spanking (yes, Mills and Boon does spanking nowadays too). It's a great thing. The disappointment comes that despite millions of people now knowing about safe words and jiggle balls, is that it hasn't done much to improve how people perceive BDSM sex, and in many ways has cemented a lot of misconceptions.
Dominance and submission is just one part of BDSM. It encompasses a wider spectrum including bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism as well. Generally for me the terminology is interchangeable, but some people might identify more closely with one aspect or another.
What does Fifty Shades get wrong?
The problem is that the dynamic of the relationship between dominant Christian and submissive Ana, even allowing for the caveats of it being fictional and somewhat based on the Edward/Bella Twilight romance, is nothing like any relationship I've had with a dominant. And while I'm not doing surveys of every kinkster I meet, I'd argue it's very different to most relationships based on this kind of power play. The kind of high-handedness that Christian shows is actually more a sign of a potentially abusive relationship that most women would and should run for the hills to avoid than signs he's her Prince Charming—helipad and penthouse apartment or not.
Bits of it are definitely realistic (although I maintain the sex contract is filler and about as sexy as Sheldon Cooper's Roommate Agreement, despite people disagreeing with me on Twitter about it), and the characters are interesting enough that even at my grumpiest I still wanted to find out what happened to them, but overall I was a bit disappointed. That said, I'm aware I'm in the minority and my view is just one out of millions who did enjoy it. To each their own!
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